Mississauga and Edmonton lead Power Ratings April 29, 2000
It seems that two teams from the Great White North are leading the PVBL
in Nick Tulach's famous "Power Ratings". It's not known what his secret
recipe is but it's respected throughout the league.
What the surprise is, is that Mississauga and Edmonton, two of the five
Canadian teams, lead the PVBL. Not that Mississauga and Edmonton haven't
proved themselves, but it's the first time since the early 90's that
there have been two Canadian teams at the top of America's Game.
"It was nice when Toronto won those two in MLB, but it's clear to me
that the owners conspired to have the 1994 season halted once it became
clear the Montreal Expos were going to win the World Series, thus
proving Canadian Domination." said Mississauga owner Jesse Gouldson.
"This season is payback, and I think Mr. Sculac agrees with me."
Gouldson also said.
The Kamloops Blazers are building one hell of a team for the future,
Montreal is a strong contender for the wildcard, and Moncton is getting
set to break out in a year or two.
It has also been rumoured that the CFL is preparing to buy out the NFL
with the aid of the Canadian government and Bill Gates, who has nothing
else to do with his money. "We figured that if the CFL is the only game
in North America then we can make an enourmous amount of profit. Plus,
they're bound to realize the Canadian game is more entertaining sooner
or later. The CFL American expansion didn't work out well because the
NFL was still around. This way it won't be. It's like they're hypnotized
by Paul Tagliabue or something." said Montreal Alouettes president Larry
Smith, who is spearheading the project.
"We've slowly been sending CFL Militants down to U.S. colleges to make
the field bigger, move the uprights to the goal line and rewriting the
rule books so there are only 3 downs. So far, it's been running smooth."
Smith also revealed to reporters.
Even Canadian celebrities are getting behind the project, such as Jim
Carrey, Michael J. Fox, Jason Priestly, Dan Akroyd, Shania Twain, Celine
Dion, Alanis Morissette, Donald and Keifer Sutherland, Barenaked Ladies,
Larry Walker, approximately 65% of the NHL, and many others who this
reporter can't think of off the top of his head. Even Atlanta Falcons
tight end O.J. Santiago, who was robbed of the Super Bowl MVP award by
some guy named John Elway.
"I tried out for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers (of the CFL) but they said I
just wasn't good enough for their leauge. So they sent me to the NFL.
Man, that hurt. I'd give anything for a second chance at making it to
the CFL." Santiago said.
So it appears that both the PVBL and the NFL are being taken over by
Canadian forces. Anyone ever seen the movie "Canadian Bacon"?
