Groundhogs "Schlumping" Through Season August 21, 1999
Rumors of Relocation Abound
Punatawney, PA (AP)
The 1999 season has been, by far, the most disappointing season in the brief
history of the Punatawney Groundhogs. They are playing barely .500 ball and
are well behind both division leader Houston and wildcard leader Phoeni.
Not only that, but for some reason, the letter "x" has become incredibly
hard to type on the keyboard of team owner Dan Shapiro, causing him great
anguish when he tries to write about his team, located in PunXatawney.
"We're trying to mi things up. But we can't even do that right, cause you
can't mi things up without the letter ' '," said Shapiro.
Even with a solid offense with double-digit homeruns from 10 different
players, 3 players with over 20 steals, and seemingly more quality talent
than most teams, the Groundhogs have been unable to catch the Hellraisers.
Ace Rocky Coppinger has 14 wins, but a high ERA of 3.76 due to a few horrid
starts. Jon Lieber is only 7-9 with a 3.24 ERA in the worst season of his
career. Juan Guzman, recently acquired for prospect Mike Hampton, is
injured until September while Bobby Thomas has been very inconsistent. A
bright spot has been Sean Bergman, 10-7 with a 2.22 ERA.
"I'm not sure what to do about the rotation," said Shapiro. "I look at
these guys and I know we should be winning. But we aren't, not as much as
we should be."
Recent talks of dissention among the ranks and dying support for the team in
Punatawney have led Shapiro to consider moving the franchise.
"I'd love to bring these guys back to my hometown, Allentown. Of course, we
would have to adopt a new moniker as well. Its that or buy a new keyboard,
because without the X, you can't have Punatawney," he said.
City officials in Allentown are reportedly trying to find a field for the
team. Supposedly, many Allentown residents would like to name the team the
Androids. They aren't sure why.
