(WARNING! The following PR may not be suitable for those who have
enjoyed the recent PVBL discussion. Please read on with caution...)
It seems there has been a breakthrough in the Frank Thomas cookie
caper. Thomas, who was arrested earlier today after testing positive for
the "magic" cookies, may have been set up.
The Maple Dogs have kept behind some maple cookies from the days when
they were legal in the PVBL. "Yeah, I know Peck banned them, but I
figured we could wait till the season was over so we can feast on the
sweet Canadian maple goodness." said Canadian Derrick Gibson, who hails
from Maple Ridge B.C., home of Larry Walker and Indy racer Greg Moore.
Apparently team captian Reggie Jefferson was all for it too, "So
they're banned during the season. None of us have taken them since the
ban was imposed but c'mon, they're cookies and they're damn good. We
wanted to keep them until we could eat them again with no guilt... okay,
maybe a little guilt. They're just sinfully delicious!"
But this post season indulgence has apperently been put on hold.
Gouldson reported today that someone stole the cookies from the cookie
jar. "Was it you?", Gouldson asked little used Rod Lewis. "Couldn't
be...", Lewis replied. "Then who?", Gouldson pondered.
The stadium security crew checked the videotapes from a recent series
vs Deadwood and found what looked like Rich Amaral and Brad Fullmer
taking every single one of the cookies, like The Grinch picking
decorations of a Christmas tree.
A fan who claims to have seen them after the game heard them saying
that "maybe they'll help out Eric and Cecil" and "we have the power".
It's believed they were bringing them to Cecil Fielder and Eric Davis,
still in hospital after breaking his neck during a brutal and yet to be
solved attack. The other 'power' comment seems to show that they were
willing to use the cookies for their own personal use. "You shouldn't
abuse the cookies. All evil uses of the maple cookies will come back at
you ten-fold.", a Dare Cookie spokesperson said.
"I don't know what Fullmer and Amaral were planning to do with those
cookies. My guess is that they sent the cookies to Frank as a
congratulatory gift, but the Big Hurt got too many big hurts when he was
a little kid, so now he's a little slow, if you get my drift...",
Gouldson explained. "Frank probably didn't think that they could be the
notorious banned cookies and gobbled them in delight. Now it just so
happens that he becomes the first victim of random cookie tests in the
PVBL. Honestly I don't think a couple of players could come up with
this. We all know how much Mr. Raisor wants to win now... then again,
but I doubt this, I could be all wrong.", Gouldson finished.
Investigations continue over this ground breaking and baffling baked
goods burglary.
