Anchorage Loses, "Magical" Cookies to Blame June 27, 1999
Ann Arbor (AP) - "The ban on magical cookies cost us the game today" said a
frustrated Nick Tulach after his team suffered a heartbreaking defeat in
extra innings to the Ann Arbor AllKnighters. The ban on the Maple Dog cookies,
which have a creamy filling, came just hours before the Abominations were
scheduled to play. "Our guys were really feeling down. We flew Cirillo in
to get cookie therapy, just to find out that it was banned. Jeff was
definately disappointed. He was really looking forward to getting back into
the lineup." said trainer Mark Fiele.
Anchorage tried to remedy the situation by substituting General Mills'
Lucky Charms cereal for the Maple Dogs cookies, but it seemed to have no effect.
"That damned leprechan is full of " said outfielder Brian McRae.
Anchorage is said to be seeking the help of an old Eskimo shaman to take over
the cookies mystical charm of the team. "We are doing everything we can,
short of consuming the forbidden cookies, to make this team better." said
Tulach. The shaman is said to be able "make bats lighter and have more pop
and to make baseballs fly farther." It is not known what techniques he employs
but the 'Boms are hoping its nothing illegal. "We've brought guys in in the
past who did stuff like corking batts and winding balls tighter, but nothing
has been as successful as those delicious Maple Dog cookies." said catcher
Chuck Lynn.
Anchorage finishes off its series at Ann Arbor tomorrow and then returns
home to face the division leading Galena Hamsters.
Notes:
- Anchorage dealt away its second round amateur draft pick yesterday in
exchange for Medina pitcher Marc Wilkins. "Marc has been solid in the past,
but got off to a rocky start this year. Hopefully our team shaman can help
him regain his form." said manager Nick Tulach.
- Authorities in Anchorage believe that they have found the remains of the
team mascot's feet. The two furry socks were found in a ditch just outside
the city limits by dogs trained specifically for the task of finding the
lost feet. "Those dogs are heroes. Too bad the city budget can no longer
afford them, so they will have to be destroyed." said deputy sheriff Gene
Gates. The remains of the feet are still being run through a series of
lab tests to determine if they are indeed the actual feet.
