Late last night, most people in the small town of Spokane were snuggled in
their beds, asleep. But not Owner/GM Jeremey Stephens. He was burning the
midnight oil securing yet ANOTHER starting pitcher. After some
negotiotiatons with the Punxatawney Groundhogs, veteran pitcher Rick
Aguilera, and young fireballer Johnny Badgro were on their way to Spokane.
In exchange, outfielder Luis Gonzalez was traded. Initial reports stated
that Luis took the news happily, but we have it from an inside source that
that was not the case by a long shot. Apparently Gonzalez found out about
the move, became intoxicated, and came to the clubhouse early this morning
looking for a fight. This reporter is not going to repeat unconfirmed
rumors, but I will say that SEVERAL of the Paladins confirmed that Gonzalez
urinated all over the clubhouse.
We managed to catch Luis for a quick interview before he got on the plane,
who had this to say, "It's just that I didnāt see it coming, I played in
150 some odd games for them last year, batting over 3000 and knocking 26
homers. I know there have been a lot of changes, but I never knew my job
was in jeopardy! I figured I would at least get a chance to earn the job in
spring training, But the more I think about it, the happier I am about the
move. Jeremey Stephens is a psychopath! YOU HEAR ME STEPHENS? PSYCHOPATH!
And every time I play Spokane I am going to make them sorry."
When Stephens was asked about Gonzalez' comments he said, "What an idiot.
Look, that guy was a discipline problem. He was late to meetings, had the
work ethic of a three-toed sloth, and drank to excess. If you only knew
what happened last night! As far as this being a surprise, well he's 27
years old. He's no wet behind the ear rookie. When we signed Brady, and
have Stedronsky and Davis in the outfield already, well if thatās not
writing on the wall, I don't know what is!"
But in a press release Spokane has announced that they are done trading,
and are ready for the new season. We will check with them later today, as
they have promised to announce their Starting Line-up for the 1998 season.
