Duluth, Mn. - Whaler GM Chrabascz went under a through investigation yesterday
morning by Duluth Authorities and passed with "flying colors" according to
Chief Sargent Callahan. "... he answered all questions relating to the
current Gatorade scandal with the utmost truth and is thus cleared of all
charges. He also shows quite an affection towards Ms. Reno, hopefully
Mrs. Chrabascz is an understanding woman." Unfortunately for Mr.
Chrabascz, this would be only the first of numerous visits with the Chief
he would have yesterday.
Bjork all-star shortstop Alex Rodriguez made a call to the police
around 3:15 pm sunday, complaining of a Mr. Chrabascz tresspassing on his
home grounds and making "harassing comments towards the Bjork and the city
of Duluth in general". A-Rod was available for comment, ".. he kept
pushing me, saying how the Whalers Organization needed a player like me,
that I was the 'final piece to their championship puzzle', that Duluth was
a 'waste of my time and talent'. After refusing his offers numerous
times, he became hostle and started to kick over my garbage cans and
attempted to steal my Dalmation Sparky. Luckily the police showed before
he could take my dog away." Jeremy Chrabascz was then arrested on charges
of trespassing, attempted canine theft and harassment. His hearing was
set for next month and he was released on $5,000.00 bail.
All seemed fine in the city of Duluth for now, but little did the
city know, Jeremy was far from being finished. "Yeah, this Chavez or
whatever guy came into my place around 6pm last night and started
drinking.. a lot." local Brewhouse owner Rod Raymond explained, " after a
couple of hours, he started complaining about A-Rod and how we didn't
deserve him. A couple of the customers became upset and started
threatening him. He started yelling ' don't you know who I am? I'm
Jeremy *explicitive* Chrabascz, I'm a champion!!! I own TV station,
Stuart Scott, Kenny Mayne, they all answer to me, and soon will you little
*explicitive* precious A-Rod *explicitive*!!! Then he ran out with a
weird look in his eye". Raymond then notified authorities of the public
disturbance, starting a public manhunt for the Whaler GM.
"It didn't take long to find him", Sargent Callahan continued, "
he was found passed out, face down in Sparky's Alpo. Seems he tried to
make off with the hound again. So we arrested him again for public
intoxication, disturbing the peace and again for trespassing and attempted
canine theft. He's currently being held in St. Louis County Jail without
bail, awaiting his trial sometime next month." Alex Rodriguez closed by
saying, " I can't believe I actually considered playing for such an
egotistical, self centered, psycho, lush. I haven't been this letdown
since finding out the truth about the Easter Bunny." Chrabascz says he
will conduct "business as usual" from the comfort of his cell.
