As the Binghamton Mets prepare for opening day, trade rumors have
clouded the team.
In order to calm the Binghamton Mets faithful, Owner Jason Garnar held a
press conference: The following are a few excerpts from it.
On the trade rumors: "Dammit people, everyone talks trade sometime.
Hell, I'd even trade my daughter if I could get a good deal for her"
On who might be on the trading block: "I'm not telling you who we got
on the trading block, but I will say who's safe from getting their asses
traded. That would be my big three(Radke, Rodriguez, and Ashby) and the
BIG GUY(Jim Thome). Everyone else is considered trade bait."
On Chilli Davis: "That old man better play up to his potential this
year, or we're gonna send his ass to the worse city possible, like
Hartford."
On the Janet Reno Investigation: "I'll tell you something. Jay
Scudieri is as shady as they get. I have personally donated over 5
million dollars to her in order that she might begin her investigation
immediately. No expense will be spared in order to bring to light the
fact that this man is a dirty rat!"
On his alleged drinking problem: "That's a damn lie. I drink. I fall
down. I get up. No problem!"
