Anchorage AK (AP) - As the World Series heats up, Anchorage decided to give
their fans a little more to get excited about. At a press conference in
Anchorage this morning, team owner Nick Tulach announced that he has hired
a general manager/director of player personal. "Remember that guy from
'Happy Gilmore'? The caddy that Adam Sandler hired? The guy who washed his
underwear in the ball cleaner? Well, we heard that he was having trouble
once again finding work, so I decided to bring him on in some capacity. He
hasn't told us his name, but he says the word 'man' a lot, so that's what we'll
call him, Man." It is unclear as to what his duties will be and how much
influence he will have, but Tulach assured fans that "Man will do a good job,
no matter what he does". Sources close to the Abominations' owner say they
were as surprised as everyone else about the decision. "I think he is doing
this to send a message. I just don't know what that message is yet." commented
Vero Beach owner and close friend Jason Golhke. "Maybe he just really likes
that movie."
Notes:
- Anchorage was the only team in the EL to score less then 600 runs last
season. They have been examining reasons as to why, but mostly have
only concluded that their offense really sucked.
- Abominations' CF F.P. Santangelo was found lying in a pool of vomit this
past weekend in Los Angeles. When asked how he got into the predicament,
F.P. said "You shouldn't knock it till you've tried it."
