Punxatawney (AP)--The FBI called off their search of Groundhog owner Dan
Shapiro's offices in Pennsylvania after discovering he had no skeletons in
his closet. They have decided to focus their efforts more on discovering
the reasoning behind President Clinton's actions in accepting the donation,
as well as numerous other allegations against him. Shapiro, in the
meantime, sent out an apology to Jeremy Chrabascz for his actions, stating,
"All I wanted was Kenny Mayne working for me, and my sheer stupidity cost me
even that. I'm truly sorry for all the trouble I caused."
He also apologized to Mayne, but chances of bringing him to Punxatawney to
work seem to be next to nothing. This left the Groundhogs without a
sportscaster for their local broadcasts because Shapiro had fired the
previous guys in hopes of bringing in Mayne. He announced later today that
he had made a hiring both for the lead broadcaster and the color guy.
Taking over the post as main broadcaster is Isaac Hayes, of Shaft and South
Park fame. He'll continue to work on South Park as well, but Shapiro's
offer of 4 million a year for 5 years was too good to pass up. For the
color guy, Shapiro has wrenched John Madden from the grips of Fox. Although
Shapiro has no clue what Madden might actually know about baseball, Madden
was given 5 million for the rest of this season to see how he does.
In on the field news, the Groundhogs played their first two games against
the Picard division, home in Punxatawney. Their first opponent was
Binghamton, a strong team contending for the Picard crown. Due to yet
another injury, this one to 2B Tony Batista, has forced backup Ray Eibel
into action. Currently, only 3B Scott Rolen, DH Ryan Klesko, LF Marty
Cordova, and C Greg Myers have been spared.
This first game was close all the way through, but Binghamton never lost the
1-0 lead it took in the second inning. They opened the gap to 4-0, but
Punxatawney came right back and made the scored 4-3. Each team scored twice
in the next two innings, making the scored 6-5. Binghamton then ran off 4
unanswered runs to increase the lead to 9-5 going into the bottom of the
7th, and the Hogs could only get 2 more and fell, 9-7.
Ray Eibel led off, starting in one of his first games this season. He was
1-5, and scored once. The biggest hitters in this game were the regulars.
Marty Cordova was 3-4, scoring 3 times with a double and a homer. Ryan
Klesko also homered, going 2-5 with 3 RBI. The Hogs other homer came from
Damon Mashore, his career first.
Unfortunately, the pitching staff fell apart in this game. Mike Hampton
gave up 4 runs over 3 innings before he was pulled. Rocky Coppinger did no
better, giving up 5 in 5. Only Tim Worrell and Ricky Bottalico, who threw
the 9th, were able to hold the Mets scoreless. Hampton is now 10-5 on the
year.
The second game was far closer and lower scoring. At first, it looked like
a Hogs blowout was eminent. They scored 1 run in the first, second, and
third to go up 3-0. Binghamton they changed pitchers and their relievers
held Punxatawney at 3 for the rest of the game. But Bobby Thomas was up to
the task, and got through 7 innings only giving up 2 runs. Bobby Munoz came
on and threw the last two to get his 4th save.
Cordova and Klesko again led the offense combining for a 4-6, 1 run, 1 RBI
day. Eibel was 1-3, driving in 1, while Billy Ashley and Damon Mashore
accounted for another run and RBI between them. Bobby Thomas was on top of
his game again, scattering 7 hits and 1 walk over 7 innings. He gave up
just 2 runs and struck out 8. Munoz gave up 2 hits and struck out 1 for the
save.
Shapiro was content with the effort. "Down 5 starters and a reliever, I'm
just glad we can still win at all. The rookies are holding their own so
far. Tommorow they'll have Scott [Aldred] and Jon [Lieber] throwing, two
great pitchers. We'll do our finish them up with a series victory."
Stats 'n Stuff
Well, the whole team is hurt and we're still playing .500 ball. At 70-32,
our closest competitor is the streaking Galena Hamsters, 64-37, or a 5.5
game advantage. And we still currently have a 26 game lead with a magic
number around 34 with 60 games to play. We're eagerly watching the Motor
City-Brooklyn and Deadwood-Hartford, as well Vero-Binghamton rilvaries to
see what develops there.
As far as trading goes, we'll be spending the next month trying to get a
strong starter. I have tons of prospects to offer to a team looking to
build for the future...let me know.
