|
|
Laporte Herald-Tribune
By sportswriter Brian Pertner
"Hmm? What? Oh yeah. Mueller's gone. Talk to Mark, I'm busy."
That was the response this reporter got when he called Larimer Knights owner John Dybala about reports that Bill Mueller had been traded. Word is that Dybala, recently named PVBL Statistician, was engrossed in the task of creating the Statistician's Page.
Team VP of Operations Mark Singleton was a little more willing to talk, if only to do his Richard Nixon impression: "My fellow Americans ... as you know .... I am not a crook ... and Bill Mueller is just a disease."
"Okay ... seriously now. Yes, Bill Mueller and Pokey Reese have been traded to the Washington Sea Dogs. In return, we got Jose Offerman and Matt Ruebel. That'll give us a lot of depth and a little more help at first base, not that Giles hasn't done a good job there as it is. Also maybe we can go to work on the pitching staff," said Singleton. "One thing I know for damn sure is we won't have Mueller whining about how much he hates it here anymore."
Contacted at his home in nearby Windsor, Colorado, Bill Mueller was ecstatic. "Whoever the hell decided John Dybala was a good owner, I don't know. He's an [name not suitable for a family paper]. Look at poor Todd Walker. Before he got traded, the guy was putting a couple hundred miles a week on his car because Dybala couldn't decide whether he wanted him in Laporte or Fort Morgan. I hear Weiner's a nice guy. And I know I'll be playing every day too."
"I'm scared to death," said Pokey Reese when he came to the stadium to clean out his locker. "I'm being asked to fill Cal Ripken's shoes. I'm not worthy to tie Ripken's shoes, much less fill them."
The trade makes Miguel Friantague the Knights' everyday shortstop. He was unavailable for comment before press time, as were Offerman and Ruebel.
Written by John Dybala